Still crazy after all these years

Having been heavily critical of the NHS in recent months – it’s a great emergency service but not much else has been my view – I was very surprised to get treatment for my latest bout of depression within a matter of a couple of months. What’s more, my therapy has been via Zoom. To my amazement, it works far better than I imagined it would.

All of my previous therapy has been face-to-face and I had my doubts as to whether Zoom would work. It does.

I was surprised just how quickly I have been able to forge a relationship with my latest therapist. Cramming over 50 years of mental issues into six sessions would be, you might think, an impossibility.  But most of my therapists, including my current one, are exceptionally well trained and well qualified to cut through the crap.

The Zoom therapy works on all levels and it doesn’t dilute the powerful emotions that appear along the way. Digging through the emotional wasteland of a dysfunctional childhood never felt so vivid and real.

I entered therapy in a relatively stable period of mental health. The dip I had a month ago has moderated – I have no idea why, but then I don’t know why it came along in the first place – so I was more receptive to treatment. I know, as every therapist I have ever seen has told me that it is very unlikely that I will be cured from depression and anxiety, but I am still trying to find better ways of living with it.

As I emerged from my last dip, I resolved to give it everything to be more positive and actually do stuff. I have been as good as my word to myself, although it is utterly exhausting, mainly mentally but sometimes physically. I am trying to be who and what I’m not to make who I am a bit better than I used to be. I’ll hit a wall eventually, but until then, I’ll keep going.

I am looking at this therapy as being a bridge to my ADHD assessment, possibly sometime in 2025 the way things are going. That could be, at least for me, a Game Changer. I doubt that if I was diagnosed with ADHD would bring forth a cure, but perhaps it might provide an explanation. I never thought it was just depression without something else. But I must be alive to the possibility there might not be anything else.

So, if you’re still a bit crazy, as I am after all these years, have a word with the GP. And don’t worry about Zoom therapy. Just believe someone who knows.