Faded Seaside Glamour

There were people swimming in the sea at Weston Super Mare yesterday. To be clear, there were only two people, a boy in swim shorts and a girl in a bikini, splashing among the picture postcard brown waves lapping over the mud by the Grand Pier and I could not but admire their desire to enjoy the ‘satisfactory’ water quality, as determined by the Environment Agency. Given that nearby Uphill enjoys ‘poor’ quality water, I’d certainly think twice before swimming at Weston for fear of a stray Uphill floater interrupting my day. God knows, I have swallowed enough sea water over the years and that was bad enough. Why risk anything worse?

Anyway, the youngsters splashed around until their hearts were content, of maybe just until the early effects of frostbite began to dawn on them. Whilst the air temperature was mild enough, I suspect the water temperature would leave something to be desired. Still, this is Weston, not the Maldives. As Basil Fawlty might ask, what else would you expect to find there?

I’ve heard it said before: why on earth do people go on holiday or take day trips to Weston? The simple answer is that they like it and – let’s be blunt about this – in a country that is so divided between rich and poor, it’s a fading seaside town or nothing. There was a time – a very long time, actually – when as a child the only holiday my family could afford was a week in a friend’s caravan at West Bay in Dorset and once we got there we couldn’t afford to do anything other than stay in the caravan or walk around the harbour. That’s why I don’t take the piss out of people who do the best they can with the crumbs society hands out to them.

Amid the faded season glamour of Weston, it is clear that businesses and, to a lesser extent, the local council have made efforts to at least stem, if not actually reverse, its decline. The Tropicana complex has seen its pool filled in and appears half a step away from dereliction and the Sea Life Centre is now some kind of epic crazy golf centre. On the front there is a giant children’s climbing and play area which of course it being half term was closed and the reliable donkeys still ply their trade on the wonderfully well-maintained and very clean beach. Give the authorities their due. They cannot control the quality of water but they can ensure the beach that leads to it is generally clean and tidy and to that end they succeed admirably. Scores of dog-walkers would surely agree with that.

No one would call Weston upmarket, which certainly suits me because I am, as the song goes, a downtown downbeat guy with no pretensions to be anything else. But eating out does not exactly provide a great deal of variety. In the end – and I can only apologise for this – we dined in the Cabot Court Wetherspoons, which was where we stayed, too. If Weston is busy during half-term week, nowhere is busier than the Spoons. This one had all the atmosphere of a day nursery in the same building as a care home. But where else can you get two pints of well kept ale for just over £4? The answer is you can’t, but we made a point of spending money in the nearby Regency pub which was more than twice as expensive but had the advantage of not being owned by the odious Tim Martin.

Weston appears to be doing more than just hanging on, given the numbers walking along the promenade, the Grand Pier, past all the charity shops and shuttered up buildings in its main shopping area and eating from the endless fish and chip shops on every corner and at all points in between. If I am being totally honest, I see little joy in the faces of many of the people visiting the town. They’re visiting to give themselves from the drudgery and struggle of normal life and to allow their children to see something a bit different, like the sea. In another lifetime, it could easily have been me pouring vinegar over my chips from a bottle that was tied to the table and handing my children a plastic cup of coins to put into endless machines in the Amusement arcades. You make the best of the life you are given and I’d like to think that’s how it was during our little visit.