At last, a ‘Brexit freedom’ to cheer. Government fruitcake Kemi Bad Enoch has announced that us plucky Brits will now be able to dine on the pavement. When we were members of the European Union, we were compelled to eat inside, just like they do in Spain, Portugal, Greece, France and everywhere else in the EU. Soon, we will be the only people who can eat on the pavement. Brexit: the gift that keeps on giving.
Better still, we will be allowed to buy ‘takeaway pints’. I mean, how great will that be? Instead of buying bottles of top notch ale, lager and cider for around £2 a bottle from our local supermarket, we will have the golden opportunity to buy a pint from our local pub at only three times the price and take it home to drink when it’s as flat as a witch’s tit, as Albert Steptoe once said.
This is the bullshit we are getting from this dreadful government. While there is no short term likelihood of the UK rejoining the EU, perhaps no medium term likelihood either, it is pretty obvious there are no real Brexit benefits, apart from the prospect of eating on the pavement. All the things that were promised – lower immigration, lower food prices, more spent on the NHS – they turned out to be lies. While immigration from Europe has all but ended, it has been more than replaced by people from outside Europe, like our friends from Pakistan, Nigeria and India. In fact, we now have the highest immigration levels in donkeys’ years, but we knew what we were voting for, right?
It’s harder to export stuff to EU countries, it’s a hassle with all the extra passport shit we have to put up with when we go abroad. We can no longer automatically live, study or retire in EU countries and, it turns out, everything costs more than ever. And that £350 million we were going to give to the NHS? The Brexit fans like Johnson lied to us. Why, they don’t even believe in the NHS.
Brexit got done and the British people got done with it. Pretty well everything remainers said would go wrong and get worse went wrong and got worse. Only shiny happy people like tax dodgers; and Vladimir Putin who loved the idea of Brexit so much he spent millions on helping to make it happen.
Still, even though we’ve fucked over the next generation and got blue passports back – and what a Brexit benefit that is – we all know we’ve been had.
Labour leader Keir Starmer says we need to “make Brexit work”. He’s right. In the 2016 referendum, we voted to leave the EU and three years later we elected Boris Johnson whose slogan was “Get Brexit done”. Much as we could bang on about Brexit and its failings, it’s now an issue for when my generation are dead and gone. In the meantime, we need to make the best of a bad job.
Maybe a Norway ++ deal, with access to the EU single market and some form of Customs Union. Sure we stay outside the EU, but we just negotiate a better deal. It would be hard to negotiate a worse one.
I’ll pass on Ms Bad Enoch’s idea to allow us to eat on the pavement, where everyone else in Europe is forced to sit inside, and to buy takeaway pints from the local boozer. This is all these Brexiteer nutters have left now. It’s all they ever had.
