Not even the most committed Tory supporter will surely argue that the current cabinet is the best and brightest in political history. Selected by Johnson for the hardness of their Brexit views rather than ability, we now have a government of the talentless. In recent times, their ineptitude has plumbed new depths.
Take the new COVID-19 Tier 2 restrictions. You can have a few pints in your local, but only if you enjoy a “substantial meal”. Communities minister ‘Honest’ Bob Jenrick announced in October that a Cornish Pasty was not a substantial meal, but if it was served with chips and salad, then it was all fine. I am no expert in virology, but I am surprised that chips protect against COVID-19. Therefore, I intend to eat chips at every opportunity. This was all going so well until the agricultural minister George ‘Useless’ Eustice declared today that a Scotch Egg was a substantial meal “as it can be served as a starter.” So, that’s me sorted if South Gloucestershire ever goes into Tier 2. I’ll go to the pub, order a Scotch Egg as a starter and then Pasty and chips. It’s oh so simple.
To be honest, things might have been clearer had Useless Eustice been quizzed about the dear old Cornish Pasty instead of Honest Bob because Useless is the MP for Camborne and Redruth. Doubtless, he could have informed his colleague that many pasties are the size of a small house and far more substantial than a humble Scotch Egg. Having said that, both Honest Bob and Useless Eustice are posh rich boys who enjoyed the best education that money could buy. It’s entirely possible they have never actually come across a humble pasty.
But that’s what it has come to in this country. We’re watching two senior politicians advising us on the distinction between having a substantial meal and an insubstantial meal. And all I want in my pub is a pint or two of ale.
I’ll give all the tiers a wide berth until the coming vaccines set us free. And if I want a pasty, I’ll have a word with that nice Mr Ginster and eat it at home.