Here in Bristol, it’s Harbour Festival weekend and that time of year when thousands of people shuffle aimlessly around the harbour, buying overpriced fast food, watch people race cardboard boats with hilarious consequences, see the world heavyweight jet ski champion jet skiing, as he does every single year and generally wondering what on Earth possessed them to go in the first place. In view of all this, we now have a well-established family tradition of not going. It has improved my life immeasurably.
The harbour in Bristol or The Docks as it’s known as by more senior folk and, frankly, Bristolians has a rich history, albeit a chequered one, what with associations of slavery, and my father sailed from there when he was in the merchant navy. And while history of anything is not my specialist subject, the old buildings and particularly the ancient cranes maintain the air of what it once was. Now, the Docks is more of a heritage space, with museums dotted between the trendy cafés, restaurants and craft ale bars that represent modern, gentrified Bristol.
I have always struggled to understand what the Harbour Festival was all about, since very little of it seems to be about history. So, in an effort to better understand, I visited the official website and found this. I then clicked on another page – you can do the same if you have too much time on your hands – to better understand what the festival is all about. Here is what it says:
VISION:
A celebration of Bristol
MISSION:
To celebrate, with all the communities of Bristol, the heart and soul of the city in the unique setting of its harbour.
AIMS:
- To showcase Bristol’s talent and heritage
- To be accessible to Bristol’s diverse communities
- To showcase Bristol as an attractive place to live or visit
- To boost Bristol’s economy
- To be economically and environmentally sustainable
Forgive me for being a little cynical, but this seems to have been written by people who are highly proficient in business-speak. As soon as I see the words vision, mission and aims, part of my brain switches off. A vague vision which could mean anything, or more likely nothing; the mission is to celebrate blah blah blah “in the unique setting of its harbour”. What, unique because the harbour stands next to where the water is? Where would it have to be if it wasn’t unique? And as for the five “aims’? This is what brainstorming gets for your council tax. Five vague, catch-all, instantly forgettable short sentences that a five year old could come up with, probably far quicker and at far less expense. And anyone who has seen the price of houses in Bristol would surely not want to “showcase” Bristol as an attractive place to live. Unless we’re estate agents, that is.
It’s true that Bristol is famous for its maritime history but there’s barely a reference to it on the website. It’s not like the The Hay Festival of Literature & Arts where you know it’s about Literature and the Arts and the Cheltenham Jazz Festival which is about, well, jazz. The Bristol Harbour Festival is a mish-mash of a lot of things that have nothing to do with the harbour. I don’t suppose the abysmal weather helped much but I can’t help feeling Bristol deserves so much better than a half-arsed festival which doesn’t have much idea what it is for beyond some business speak bullshit.
