God is, depending on who you are, everywhere and nowhere, baby, as Jeff Beck* once memorably put it. My loyal reader will be aware that in my life God is nowhere and that is exactly where I want him to be. ‘He’ is certainly much in evidence on social media at the moment, with such utter nonsense as the meme that heads this blog. I’ll come back to that in a moment. A bereavement reported on one of the few Facebook groups to which I belong ends with a call by the poster urging, ‘Prayers for her family and friends.’ What on earth is the point of that?
Trust me when I say this blog is not about mockery. The request for prayers was obviously genuine but what will ‘family and friends’ actually gain from this? It’s not entirely clear, but I would surmise that it’s a request that God will do something to ease their pain, that God might provide comfort at a very difficult time. I get that. It’s a loving and kind-hearted thing to do and in dark times, it’s about what works for you, even if it’s probably an illusion.
I cannot help myself taking this further. We are told that God knows everything about us and sees everything we do and even knows what we are thinking. But why then would he require us to pray for anyone? He surely knows this anyway?
Perhaps, it’s all about ‘purgatory’? What if the deceased had lusted after his neighbour, gone to the pub on a Sunday or used His name in vain. Christ above. God much be a touchy soul if he gets upset about that. God help us. But if one is worried about the deceased taking a long time to have their soul purified – and I really struggling with this bit – I suppose a few prayers might help her/him ascend to heaven. Nonsense, I know, but if nonsense helps someone, it can’t be that bad?
If all that was not confusing enough, how about the meme around which this blog is based? Complete and utter gobbledegook and it is definitely worth breaking down:
‘Someone at your age is already dead, but you’re still alive because God wants you alive. It takes seven seconds to thank God. Amen!‘
I am still alive because God wants me alive. What a relief. But what about that someone of my age who is already dead? Why did God choose me in particular while killing off other people at my age? Was he thinking about ways to kill them off? ‘Hmm. Let’s see,’ he may have said. ‘Old Bert down the road can die in a terrible car crash, his neighbour can die of cancer. I don’t really want them alive but you, I want you to be alive. But as I am God, I won’t explain my decisions.’ On that basis, the commandments I have broken, purgatory doesn’t seem to apply, at least not yet. I think that once, many years ago, I did covet my neighbour’s ass and you can insert your own joke here.
Frankly, I am not going to thank God for anything. In the unlikely event he exists – spoiler alert: he doesn’t – I’ve got a few issues to raise with him about the suffering he has either caused or lazily allowed to happen. And if I had seven seconds to spare in my busy schedule, the very last thing I’d do would be to thank him. What for? Only the good things and not the irritating stuff like mass starvation, war, cancer, dementia and all the rest of it. Amen? You have got to be kidding me?
I suppose Facebook groups were made for this sort of thing, exchanging pleasantries with people you barely know or perhaps haven’t even met, a welcome alternative to the inevitable doom and gloom of real life that always seems to get in the way. I’ve certainly never met God but I have no fears should I survive my own death and face my own reckoning. I’m not getting into a kind of ‘I’m better than God’ because I genuinely try to do the best for people and try to help make their lives better in all sorts of ways because that’s my nature, unlike God who seems to hold little more than a watching brief.
The late, great comedian Dave Allen, himself an atheist, always ended his shows by looking at the camera and saying, ‘May your God go with you.’ In general terms, I’ll go along with the great man. I’ll always prefer the truth, I’m afraid, and my truth, my philosophy is that we are talking about a God who isn’t there. Moreover, I’d hate it if we were permanently under surveillance by a supernatural deity who sits around all day watching the world go to hell in a handcart without doing anything about it.
The God who is happy to let everyone else die while wanting me alive, for no obvious reason, is not one with whom I’d like to engage, other than to give him a piece of my mind. He’s everywhere and nowhere baby. That’s where he’s at. Absolute nonsense of course, just like religion itself.
* The ‘everywhere and nowhere baby’ comes from the Jeff Beck hit record ‘Hi ho Silver Lining’ which, I discovered today was written not by the Beckster, but by Scott English and Larry Weiss. Scott also co-wrote Brandy, with Richard Kerr, a song that was later turned into Mandy, Barry Manilow’s hit song all about Labour peer Lord ‘Peter’ Mandelson.
