Trust the Daily Mail to have its finger on the pulse of the nation. Yesterday, we were confronted with the vision of a doctor putting his hand up King Brian’s anus to assess his ailing prostate and then told the concerning news that Kate Middleton’s abdominal surgery will see her spending four weeks in hospital, followed by many months on sick leave. Whatever one’s views on the monarchy, it is fair to assume that only a complete moron would not wish Brian and Kate full and speedy recoveries, but the Mail’s story is priceless:
I am not familiar with the journalist Richard Kay, whose title is editor-at-large whatever that means, but I have to query his assertion that their medical conditions “send a shiver down our spines” because, frankly, they don’t. But when Kay refers to the “threadbare royal resources”, how come they still cost We The People over £100 million a year? That’s a lot of money for a so-called threadbare resource when you see the Mail’s stock photo of Brian leading a seemingly enormous line of royals. Doesn’t seem too threadbare to me.
Many people are concerned about the amount of time Kate will spend in hospital. Four weeks feels like an inordinate period of time but this needs to be put into perspective. Kate, and Brian for that matter, are being treated in private hospitals (being paid for those of us who could never afford private healthcare and in any case disagree with it in principle) so it won’t be the like an NHS hospital operating at full capacity. You know what it’s like these days. Have surgery in the morning – you know, something like a heart transplant – and you’re sent home just after lunch. Bed capacity is everything. In the private sector, it doesn’t matter. “Stay as long as you like, love. We will send the bill to HM Government.” For all I know, Kate may well require four weeks in hospital – I am not privy to her personal arrangements, as I am not privy to Brian’s throbbing prostate – and good luck to her (best re-emphasise this bit, just in case you think I am a heartless, piss-taking bastard), but I am just making a simple point. Private health businesses have different motives for doing what they do.
I am more likely to feel a shiver down my spine when I read the news about Pakistan launching retaliatory missile strikes against Iran, the murderous Hamas attacks on innocent Israelis on 7th October (and yes, when I read about Netanyahu’s excessive and literally scattergun response) and when eight million people in our own country are on NHS waiting lists and unable to jump queues by going private, like …
I hope and expect both Brian and Kate to make full and speedy recoveries and that they are not warned for taking excessive sick leave, as a former civil service colleague of mine was when suffering from the cancer that eventually killed her. But then, as Brian is king, I doubt very much he will be giving himself written warnings. That’s just for the little people. Get those fit notes ready, Brian and Kate. And get well soon.
