I have some very bad news for the two attempted suicide murderers (not bombers, murderers) who blew themselves when approached by police in the Turkish capital of Ankara: you are probably not going to paradise. In fact, once the authorities have collected your entrails from the surrounding areas, you will be lucky if any part of you is recognisable. All those virgins will have to wait.
Quite how these virgins even got to paradise in the first place is beyond my level of comprehension. Did Allah put them there without the need to have lived first? And, as Billy Connolly once famously pointed out, what a pain it would be to explain to them the basics of sexual activity. Can you imagine how time-consuming that would be, depending on their understanding, and how very un-erotic?
You may have noticed that I am not a religious person but from my limited understanding of the supernatural I have been led to believe that God was a decent dude who preferred people to do nice things to each other which I assume also means innocent folk you may never before have met. Flying planes into buildings, blowing up trains and simply blowing yourself up strikes me as a very odd way of practicing the good book.
The Turkish would-be murderers were found holed up in a horse farm following a tip off from persons unknown and when the authorities arrived they detonated their explosive belts, killing no one other than themselves. I can think of some pointless acts but this is quite high in the list. Imagine their disappointment after they have reduced themselves to worm food that there’s nothing on the other side. Well, I know they won’t find out because they will be in a million pieces, but you get the gist.
I wonder who came up with the idea of suicide murder? I imagine he – I am sure it is a he since a woman would never come up with something so utterly stupid – didn’t try it out himself first, just to see if it worked or not. No. He’d have found someone gullible and devout, probably both, and persuade him he would survive his own death and that someone “on the other side” would soon get going with the superglue in order that he could enjoy his time in the hereafter.
You’ve got to be desperate if you want to be a suicide murderer and pretty stupid as well.
