I can now reveal exclusively that the Daily Mirror has officially turned into the Daily Express. Observers may have noted that the Express regularly leads with scare stories about the weather. “Arctic plunge will bring worst weather for a million years and will give you cancer” is a story I may have seen, or quite possibly imagined, and it sums up the type of reporting in which they engage. But now, the Mirror has joined in the fun with today’s headline, “UK weather: Worst winter in more than 50 years forecast with warnings cold could last until March.”
The Mirror quotes the Met Office as confirming all this which is all very well until you look at the Met Office website which states, quite calmly, that it will be cold next week and that by the end of next week, which is not March, unless I have overslept about eleven weeks, it will be all mild again.
Newspapers obviously prefer to run stories that will attract attention, or as we experts say, to scare the shit out of us. And there is only one man to blame: Corbyn. Yes, Corbyn is to blame. Just read his comments:
“There is a significant change in the weather on the way.
“The jet stream, which has so far remained north over the UK, is about to make a sharp southwards turn allowing an Arctic air to sweep Britain.
“We are expecting sleet or snow across most of the country bringing the most significant spell of winter weather since 2010.
“Although it will not be as lengthy, this is the first time wintry showers are expected to fall widely across the country.
“The British Isles will be locked into an Arctic airflow for at least the next five days.”
What, you might think, is the leader of a formerly major political party doing forecasting the weather? Is this part of the “new politics”? He can’t possibly know the first thing about the weather, can he? Of course not. It’s his brother.
Piers Corbyn is not known for his moderate sensible views, so he has much in common with his brother Jeremy, except that he seems even more – how do I say this, without being sued? – bonkers. Piers is probably the maddest weather forecaster who has ever lived, with an impeccable record of wildly inaccurate weather guesses (you can hardly call them forecasts) over many years. He is also a climate change denier, which sets him aside from the near unanimous consensus of scientists who now regard climate change as fact and that we are causing it.
Anyway, tucked within the “story” which says that we are to be “plunged” into ice chaos for the best part of three months, even Jezza’s not particularly smarter brother doesn’t agree, suggesting in an obviously one-off comment that the scientific models of weather forecasting used by the Met Office are more likely to be right than his. It’s a five day wonder, ladies and gentlemen.
But it was too late for me. I had already obeyed police advice and obtained the following:
Shovel,
Blankets or sleeping bag,
Extra clothing including a scarf, hat and gloves.
24 hour supply of food and drink,
De-icer,
Rock salt,
Torch and spare batteries.
Safety triangle,
Tow rope,
Petrol can,
1st aid kit
Jump leads.
I looked a right idiot on the bus, though.
This Arctic plunge which will grip us next week is what we call winter. I’ll wager it will not be much colder than any other winters we have endured in recent years and the odds are it won’t last five minutes.
I suspect hell will freeze over long before Bristol does.
