I’m off shortly to do my shift at our local food bank and I am agonising over how I will be able to tell our users the terrible news about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle who have been evicted from Frogmore Cottage at the behest of King Charles. Apparently, the cottage which is a cottage in the same way that Buckingham Palace is a council house is needed by ‘someone else’. We are not told who this someone else is, although it’s safe to assume it won’t be one of the 274,000 homeless people in Britain, of which 126,000 are children. My heart bleeds for the exiled royal couple who, I hope, don’t require the assistance of the Windsor food bank so recently visited by Harry’s brother William and his wife Kate Middleton.
Speculation is rife as to who the lucky new tenant will be. We are told that Sarah Ferguson’s daughter, and Harry’s cousin, Princess Eugenie, her husband Jack Brocklebank and their son August stayed there for a while so they are in the frame but the smart money is on…er…Prince Andrew. Could there be a more deserving person than the former friend of Jeffrey Epstein who handed Victoria Giuffre £12 million, despite saying he had never met her? Let’s be honest: who hasn’t paid £12 million to someone they had never met? Anyway, I suppose Andrew, who still seeks to be rehabilitated and resume his duties flying round the world and playing golf, deserves a second chance just like every other nonce? Hmm. Not so sure about that one.
Harry and his wife Meghan have pronounced themselves ‘stunned’ that they have been booted out of the cottage and two other, obviously unnamed, royals have said they are ‘appalled’. Far be it for me to express mild surprise at the choice of words but I do think that the people I shall be meeting in an hour or so might just be in a slightly more desperate position. Few food bank users have lucrative TV contracts with Netflix and book publishing deals with Penguin Random House, quite possibly because people would rather read about a bizarre real-life reality TV soap opera being played out by a filthy rich family than the poorest of the poor.
Anyway, if I have time I may draw it to the attention of our friends who come to see us today that they are not the only ones with problems. All right, Harry and Meghan may not have too many problems putting bread on the table but when you have literally nothing to eat and no money to put the heating on, you know that at least some of the royals can feel your pain. The fact that much of the gutter press publishes all this tat, rarely dwelling on the miserable lives of the left behind, tells you everything you need to know about this Godforsaken country. The royals sell papers, right? That’s how it works.
