Crisp shortages

News reaches me of terrifying scenes at our local branch of Sainsbury’s. With supplies of bog rolls, pasta and fuel now fully restored, following shortages directly caused by panic-buying, the latest major shortage is of Walkers Crisps. The shelves at Sainsbury’s are almost empty and desperate shoppers are brawling in the aisles over the final few packets of Quavers and Salt and Vinegar crisps. There have been a number of fatalities and shoppers with life-changing injuries have been reported. What a terrible state of affairs. People literally dying to get their crisps, other desperately disappointed about having to complete their meals deals with something healthy instead, like fruit. You couldn’t make it up, although of course I actually did.

Apparently, the British Crisp Crisis has been caused by an IT upgrade, which doesn’t sound like much of an upgrade to me. I am no computer expert but I would have thought an upgrade would have improved systems and not create disastrous shortages. I confess that I am not a regular crisp eater, although I can be tempted by the occasional bag of Ready Salted, so this doesn’t affect me too much but judging from the scenes I imagined might be happening at Filton some folk must be very worried indeed.

I am guessing that people are reaching out for alternatives, like ridged crisps or even Pringles, but I would not touch them with a barge-pole. In fact, both varieties make me very angry. Crisps are not supposed to be ridged and I am more than capable of creating a very poor argument which proves that Pringles are not really crisps at all, more an aberration, a sacrilegious act. Watch out if I become prime minister anytime soon because I shall ban ridged crisps and Pringles as my first action in Downing Street. If you think I am bluffing, try me.

Finally, if you want to avoid the carnage at Sainsbury’s and doubtless other large supermarkets, you can still get your fix of crisps by logging on to ebay. It might cost you an arm and a leg but at least you won’t die, not yet anyway.