The results are in. Doubtless, you read this blog from 6th July 2025 about my bowel cancer screening. This was not the first time I have participated in the scheme but to be sure it’s the quickest test I have ever done. Just over a week after posting my …er … response, a letter arrived this morning. And now, it’s time for a long pause. And now we go over to Tess Daly: Staying out of oncology, at least for the time being is … me.
This is the second cancer all-clear I have had this year, after previously carrying out a PSA test to establish whether I could have prostate cancer, so in terms of these two cancers at least, it’s good news. I also know that there are numerous other types of cancer that could be hiding just around the corner, but for tonight, at least, I can sleep slightly more peacefully, I hope.
I saw the postman – or should I call him poster, given that we must now refer to cricket batsmen as batters? – coming along our road and as he got a few doors away, I could clearly see he had two envelopes for our house, one of which was cleared marked in big blue writing, NHS. My trip to the local golf club to mishit a few balls around the course was delayed by a few minutes. First, I would need to read the contents of the envelope.
This is a very unmanly thing to do. Us chaps do our best to avoid seeking medical advice on anything, especially if manage to convince ourselves that we might die if we see a doctor about some problem or other. Far better to let the problem go away on its own. I was one of those chaps and to a point still am. But having performed the poo test a few times before, I just want to get it out of the way now.
I know that as I opened the envelope, I was not expecting bad news. I did not even have an open mind about it. I have had no symptoms so I was expected the all clear, which I sort of got. I say sort of because even in such a vital service there is plenty of arse-covering.
Mine said this: ‘Thank you for returning your bowel cancer screening test kit. Your result showed that no further tests are needed at this time.” Get in, I thought. The letter added that I would be sent another kit in two years but by the age of 75, I’d have to request a kit rather than just get one. But just when you think it is safe to get on with your life, bowel cancer free, there’s a stinger. Look at this:
“The information we sent with your screening invitation explained that no screening test is completely effective. Your result does not mean that you do not have bowel cancer, or that it will never develop in the future.”
This means: don’t sue us if you actually have cancer and the screening didn’t pick it up. Helpfully, they add the symptoms that should be reported to a GP that could mean you had bowel cancer. I think this is all fair enough. There are enough litigious people in the land as it is.
Anyway, the results are in, the news appears to be good so if you are offered a cancer test by the NHS, then why not just do it? Yes, I know it’s all a bit scary, but dying of something unavoidable is, in my view, scarier still. I’ve lost people who declined to do their poo sticks and ignored symptoms so don’t be another one.
Until next time …
