So once again the end of the season is upon us and as usual the village had the prestigious player of the year awards, held this year in the swanky Parkway Tavern ballroom. A black tie, no expense spared event saw music supplied by a top dj and food provided by Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall.
Pre awards the room was abuzz with the rumour that village spiritual guru John ‘the sheriff’ Black may be returning in the summer, this didn’t put a dampener on proceedings however and everyone went on to enjoy the evening.
After an hours wag led dancing the ceremony got underway with Boris presenting the award for the third team, a thoroughly deserved vote for Mr Consistency Stinky Turner(59). Stinky was unable to accept his award due to business commitments abroad but sent a picture of his genitals by video link.
A long rambling speech by clearly drunk reserves supremo ‘chef’ Whalen culminated in the stiffs player of the year awarded to Calum May for his meteoric rise from third team plodder to first team starlet and spectacular Plummit back to to third team plodder via the odd sub appearance for the stiffs. Calum was unable to accept his award as he was in training for the village cricket tour,he did however send a message of thanks via snapchat or somesuch newfangled kids media.
For the first team a tough decision for manager ‘Big’ Martin who was unable to choose between James Stephens and Vicey so awarded the trophy jointly to Roaul Moat and Dennis Cox, neither were able to accept their awards as Moat was drunk in the star at Pucklechurch and Hiscox hadn’t been seen for two weeks, neither acknowledged it either.
Unsurprisingly ‘Big’ Martin glossed over the Sunday codgers team with player of the year going to “oh anyone” even less surprisingly nobody was available to accept the award so it was thrown on the table.
Biggest shock of the night was Paul ‘longshot’ Long being Beaten Into third in the downing a pint race by lightweights chef and Bennett, a rare sight indeed.
A raffle was held where honorary village president Mrs Cath Johansen drew the winning tickets, first prize a luxury trip to Rome was won by Mr Rick Johansen from Stoke Gifford, well done Rick. Second prize a pair of tickets for the champions league final was won by Mr Arie Johansen from somebody’s sofa somewhere in Bristol, enjoy the game Arie.
Lastly a round of golf with Ian Poulter at the belfry was won by Mr Stefan Johansen from Stoke Gifford, Stefan is unable to take up the prize so his dad Rick is not surprisingly standing in for him, again well done Rick and thanks to Cath for taking time to organise the raffle.
The evening ended with a rousing rendition of we are the champions as the first team paraded the recently won Bosley cup.
A notably absent award was the ‘he shot he missed’ horses arse trophy which due to the totally unexpected success of the squads left us without a standout candidate plus the last recipient the portly firefighter never gave it back but rest assured it will return next year!
So that’s it, a successful end to a glorious season a cup and promotion double, not bad for a collection of down and outs drunks buffoons and balloons (and thats just the management team)drink it in boys they don’t come round often.
Have a good summer and remember next season ,he shot he missed’ will always be watching!
