By our on the spot reporter E I Addio
Well what an historic night for the village as the great and good from Stoke Gifford and all the surrounding hamlets gathered upstairs at the Parkway for the inaugural village sports personality of the year(sponsored by Thatchers Gold)awards.
Our genial MC for the evening Mr Tony Giles got proceedings underway by announcing the first award over the mic from the gents toilet which would have gone unnoticed but for the sound of Guy Long retching up 5 jaeger bombs in trap two.
First up the prestigious coach of the year award. This year the award went to a very deserving Neil Whalen, a man who manages to keep his head whilst all around are losing theirs but more importantly keeps the booze flowing in the speak, a popular choice Neil was presented his trophy by an unpopular choice ‘Big’ Martin black.
Some confusion with the Young SPOTY award as the name in the golden envelope was Paddon. However on seeing a very red faced with steam coming out of ears, Lewis Daniels, a hasty decision was made to avoid an embarrassing scene, and the winner is Lewis ‘angry boy’ Daniels. Presented by his dad who gave him a clip round the ear.
Team of the year. In the absence of any notable success on the field it was a unanimous vote to award this to the lovely ladies who work the bar in the speak and keep the thirsty hordes at bay with an endless supply of cider and good humour. Presented by Stinky Turner(59) in time honoured tradition with his trousers down.
Supporter of the year. A very close vote but deservedly won this year by Paul ‘Smooth Operator’ Bartley whose dedication to watching 60 minutes then heading to the bar for 120 minutes solid drinking tipped the vote. Presented by young Bartley who was supposed to hand Paul the award but predictably missed.
The Tom Burton ‘tall tale’ award. An easy win this one for Calum May for his preposterous “I pulled an absolute worldy in Reflex” story. Presented by his close ‘friend’ Arie ‘Nigel’ Johansen, the hug and kiss seemed to go on rather too long for comfort.
Slimmer of the year award. This went to James Stephens for the great effort in getting down from 15.7 stone to 15.4 in only 8 months. Presented by Ox Walker inbetween courses.
Lifetime achievement. A special award for a man who’s services to sport and drinking over many years has been unsurpassed, a man who has graced clubs and bars throughout the west of England, sleeping in many of them, Mike Simmons. Mike was unable to accept his award due to an unfortunate incident involving several pints of Guinness, a slight mix up at the train station and a 6 hour wait in Skipton, Yorkshire for a return train home.
And lastly the Barry Kendall legend in his own lifetime award. This award was decided by the committee for the outstanding entertainment this man has afforded villagers over many years, a man who has spawned a hundred imitators but still remains the undisputed drinking loony of the last 30 years. In honour of his paralytic pillion ride on a the back of a waiters moped through the streets of Bangkok the award goes to the one and only Robert Vaughan. Presented by a clearly inebriated John Black.
One more award we are pleased to announce, this years sports blog of the year trophy has been won by your very own ‘He Shot,He Missed’
The team were invited to an all expenses paid night at the Grosvenor Hotel in the west end of London where Darren Rutter accepted the award from H.R.H Catherine Duchess of Cambridge, an unsteady Rutter challenged the duchess to a race, downing a pint of Marstons and handed her his teeth to hold, Catherine’s reply has not been recorded. It was a free bar for 24 hours, Darren Rutter’s whereabouts is unknown at the time of writing.
Finally the raffle winners from the gala(sponsored by Thatchers Gold) evening
1st prize a luxury weekend for two in Paris won by Mr R Johansen of stoke Gifford.
2nd prize a meal for two at Browns won by Mrs C Johansen of Stoke Gifford.
3rd prize 2 tickets to see successful local band Trouble on the Green at the Motor Point Arena Cardiff won by Mr S Johansen of stoke Gifford.
Thanks to all who donated prizes and thanks to Cath Johansen for organising the raffle and doing the draw.
Im sure you all agree it was a fabulous night and we look forward to next years star studded non event.
