I’ll respect the private and confidential nature of the letter I have received from the British Red Cross CEO, Mike Adamson, but finally someone from the organisation has had the decency to apologise to me. He apologised for the upset that I experienced both working for the British Red Cross and since I left. Tellingly, he did not apologise for the direct cause of my upset, which was systemic bullying and abuse, just the upset itself. He also endorsed the whitewash investigation, written by a longstanding friend and colleague of the main abuser who never once had the decency to interview me or even write to me about it. Sorry was certainly the hardest word for the British Red Cross.
I have reluctantly concluded that I have to move on now and I can do so with a clear conscience. One thing I hate is a liar. It is very easy to tell the truth because you do not have to think a great deal about what you say. Liars have to live with the knowledge that they lied and that every time they are asked a straight question, they have to convince others they are not lying. The stress that causes must be overwhelming.
Allow me to put this in context. The most serious bullying and abuse took place well over a year ago, as did my mental breakdown. Thanks to family and close friends (and you know who you are), I somehow managed to get through everything and have even managed to get another job, working for genuinely decent and compassionate people, delivering vital services to people in need. At the British Red Cross, I spent the final months delivering vital services to people in need but managed by a Class A bully, who was assisted by casual bullies and one serious abuser. I know what I prefer.
I am not a believer in Karma or anything like that, but I do believe in the law of averages in most instances. One thing life has taught me is that people who go through their lives treating people badly at some point come across someone even worse. This gives me no comfort – I am at the stage where I feel nothing but pity for my main abuser – because I don’t actually hate these people. Hate is a stressful emotion and I don’t want to waste any energy on such pitiful human beings. If I ever see them on the street, I will not pass the time of day with them but they will know, purely through a look, that I have survived. In time, I hope to be stronger for the lessons I hope to have learned.
I doubt that my bullies and abusers will ever read this but if they do, they will probably feel quite sick that I am not frightened of them. I never was. Mike Adamson, for a CEO, seems to have taken it reasonably seriously, even though he of course found in favour of the bullies. There’s nowhere else I can go now. I don’t have the resources of a fabulously rich charity which could hire the best lawyers money can buy so a legal action would be pointless. Like all major corporations, they have all the power over the little man. They may have the money and the power, but I know the truth and, I suspect, so do they.
My first year working for the British Red Cross was the best year of my working life, the second was the worst. I’m looking forward to a brighter day and a better life. I am hoping now to sleep a little better at night. How the bullies and abusers of the British Red Cross ever managed to is beyond me.