A brilliant Facebook comment by Alexis Korner, who is not the same Alexis Korner as the legendary blues singer from the 1960s, brings forth the announcement of next year’s Festival of Brexit, paid for at the cost of a mere £120 million by you and me. And what a line-up it is:

It’s certainly going to be a very special week and the breaking news of the TV coverage is very exciting. Jack Smethurst will reprise his role in of Eddie in the hilarious comedy show Love Thy Neighbour in which he dishes out racist abuse to Rudolph Walker. Then, we will sit down to enjoy Mind Your Language, which takes the piss out of foreigners who are trying to learn English. I really can wait for this.

ITV have re-employed ‘Big’ Ron Atkinson as a football pundit in order to describe a black player as “what is known in some schools as a fucking lazy, thick nigger”. Things have changed dramatically since Ron’s comments were deemed so offensive he was axed by the TV station. Now, thanks to Nigel Farage and his pals, Big Ron is back in the mainstream. Political correctness has not gone mad anymore. Racist chanting at football matches will not be banned: it will be encouraged. The way the authorities have dealt with it to date suggests this is happening already.

By the time this great festival is in full swing, Meghan Markle will have been deported because she is, according to the Mirror, “mixed-race’ which does not fit in with the post Brexit world. And we can set about removing honours from impure Brits like Sir Mo Farrah and Dame Jessica Ennis-Hill. For god’s sake: we are not living in 2012. Things have moved on and we need to adjust to our new found status as an island nation that has raised the drawbridge to the world.

With any luck, the public lynchings will see the back of remoaners forever. I doubt whether every single remoaner can be lynched in an hour, so that might not to be extended throughout the next few years. People like me, with Norwegian and Dutch ancestry can fuck off back to where we didn’t come from.

Coming to you soon, in every branch of Wetherspoon’s, the Festival of Brexit. And the headline outside every single pub will be ‘Hate not Hope.’ Roll up, roll up. We’re going to hell in a handcart.