Yet again, I’ve been overlooked in the latest honours list. What more can I do to get the gong I so richly deserve? Putting on my best Loyd Grossman voice (ask your parents, kids), “let’s look at this evidence”:
- 39 years of ‘public service’ in the DWP
- Two and a bit years with the scum charity the British Red Cross
- Two and a bit years with the dysfunctional brain injury charity ‘Headway’
- A year and a bit of volunteering for the Melchester food bank
- Regular donations to charity
WHAT MORE COULD I HAVE DONE? It’s just so unfair. The only reason I did any of these things was for the public good. I am a martyr. I’m mad, literally mad.
Meanwhile, in the real world, the honours system is really the dishonours system. Cretinous 49 day prime minister Liz ‘Pork Markets‘ Truss hands out gongs to the cronies who bought Brexit. Shit people like Matthew Elliott who literally led the Vote Leave campaign is elevated to the House of Lords. Arise Lord Cunt of Cuntshire. Yes – these were Truss’s gongs, nodded through quietly by weak weak weak Rishi Sunak. At least seven Conservative party donors get gongs, including peerages. But there’s more and there’s worse.
Shameless tosspot Brexit campaigner Tim Martin is knighted for his efforts in fucking over the country in his Wetherspoons pubs. Sajid Javid is knighted for being an MP. For being a fucking MP. Shirley Bassey gets a major gong for singing, Michael Eavis is knighted for having Foo Fighters on the Pyramid stage every year at Glastonbury (I hope it pisses down this year) and Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby is made a Knight Grand Cross of the Royal Victorian Order (RVO) for conducting King Charles’ coronation service. For conducting King Charles’ coronation service. I’m sorry to keep repeating these things but seriously, mate, this country is losing its marbles.
Lower down the list, rugby league legends Rob Burrow and Kevin Sinfield are given CBEs, that’s all, because their heroic efforts in raising awareness and, in Sinfield’s case money, to fight MND doesn’t matter as much as a bloke who runs a load of pubs. I know, of course, that there’s establishment snobbery involved by rarely if ever handing out major gongs to rugby league legends, but this is taking the piss. These men are national heroes. Sunak and co don’t give a flying fuck. It makes me SO angry. (Did you notice?)
The Guardian reports as follows:
“(Rishi) Sunak said the honours had been given to “recognise the exceptional achievements of people across the country and those who have shown the highest commitment to selflessness and compassion”. He added: “To all honourees, you are the pride of this country and an inspiration to us all.”
To which I reply, “Not all of you.” Many of the awards are to people who are just doing their job, just like my 39 years of “public service“. I didn’t really expect to get a gong for working hard in my job and it’s not why I worked and volunteered at a number of charities. In fact, seeing this list of the Good, the Bad and the Very Bad, I am delighted I will not be lining up with them at Buck House to be handed an honour by King Brian. Imagine standing in a line with the likes of Martin, Javid, Elliott and all those other government cronies and lapdogs and being honoured? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.
Finally, there is an honour which I feel richly deserves congratulations. Tim Hewer, who is a beekeeper in Little Stoke where my partner is a volunteer worker, has been awarded a British Empire Medal. (BEM) Not, I know, a major honour like the Tory MPs and donors have received but I suppose we celebrate where we can. Well done, Tim. When taxi firm founder John Griffin is knighted for giving the Tories £3 million – and that is literally what he was knighted for – and Martin is given the same dishonour for handing £400,000 to Vote Leave, you must surely see that something is very wrong.
I was coming round to the view that the honours system needed urgent reforming. I’ve changed my mind on that one. It should be scrapped and replaced by absolutely nothing. Too many bad people get gongs and even more good people get nothing.
We’ve had some bad honours lists before. This one is so bad it’s the dishonours list.
Today’s Mirror. Bang on.
