The Atkins Diet

by Rick Johansen

I was watching the news on telly last week and they reported on a woman who was in so much pain she pulled out 12 of her teeth with pliers because she could not get an NHS dentist. When asked about this, the health secretary Victoria Atkins said that people should go to the local A&E if they are in a “serious condition” and cannot get an NHS appointment. Atkins is what we medical experts refer to as “a fucking moron” because – and you would have thought the actual health secretary might just have known this – the NHS A&E service does not treat dental patients unless there is a severe infection that could be life threatening by affecting breathing, swallowing or speech. I have seen replies the hard of thinking that Atkins was actually telling the truth so I shall explain that actually she wasn’t.

A&E departments are not staffed by dentists. Dentistry is what dentists do. You would not ask a brain surgeon to operate on your piles, nor a chiropodist to carry out heart bypass surgery. Giving her the benefit of the doubt – and actually there is literally no doubt, so I am being hypothetical here – perhaps Atkins meant that A&E departments could prescribe painkillers, but that is not a cure, is it? If you require root canal surgery, your local A&E could not provide the service. Christ, they couldn’t even do a filling.

This, to me, is highly disturbing. I have been forced to use private dental care for as long as I can remember. I literally have no choice in the matter and have to pay an incisor and a molar, as opposed to an arm and a leg, to keep my deeply filled teeth intact. If I am in pain from my teeth, I just have to hope it’s not the weekend because I have to wait for the dentist to be open because I know, unlike the highly paid buffoon Atkins, pictured above laughing her tits off as her boss Sunak tells an hilarious trans joke while the mother of the murdered school girl Brianna Ghey sat in the gallery, thinks you can just visit the local infirmary. You can, but they’ll tell you to go to the dentist.

If you want another example of this being a country that’s broken and where nothing works, I give you NHS dentistry, something that people never bother about until they get toothache, upon which getting it sorted is the only thing that matters in the world.

We’re now at the stage where a vote for the Conservatives is a vote for toothache, serious illness, drug shortages and choosing to wait on the longest NHS waiting lists in history. Vote for them next time and you might be looking for a dentist, too. And that’s just a threat, not a promise.



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