by Rick Johansen

It cannot come as any real surprise to any of my millions of followers to learn that I am not exactly up to date with popular culture. For example, the latest furore surrounding the TV ‘reality’ show ‘I’m A Celebrity’ only served to remind me it was still going after Christ knows how many weeks. I have never watched the show, beyond having seen various excerpts over the years and I can safely say that the idea of spending night after night observing a group of wannabes and never weres eating items from the nether regions of dead animals is not my idea of entertainment. Big respect to you, my loyal reader, if you commit nightly to this kind of thing, but why?

Don’t bother to answer that question because, frankly, it’s a matter for the individual. One man’s turd is another man’s Pastel de Nata. But, from a non-viewing distance, this season of the show is even more depressing than usual.

The fact that the thoroughly modern (Oswald) Mosley, Nigel Farage, is one of the contestants is offensive enough to many of us who loathe this odious far right racist, a man who has helped tear this country apart through Brexit. I see his presence on the show as little more than the screen-washing of his reputation, aided and abetted by happy-chappy dullard hosts Ant and Dec. Doubtless, next year we will see Tommy Robinson and Katie Hopkins on the show, too, or perhaps they will enable the rehabilitation of former BNP boss Nick Griffin? Anything in the name of entertainment, eh lads?

Meanwhile, the current season apparently meanders along, generating the kind of publicity ITV craves. A contestant called Nella Rose (no, nor me) it appears was fat-shamed on Instagram and the programme makers “accidentally” liked the post. Yeah, right. And professional Bristolian Josie Gibson about whom I know next to nothing beyond the fact she presents ‘This Morning’, a show I would not choose to watch if I was paid to do so, says she is missing her five-year old son.”I just miss my little boy, I shouldn’t have ever left him this long,” she said, adding she feels “guilty”. To which the only response can be is this: you chose a big fat wage packet above being with your young child. If you are so upset, then why not walk away from the show and hand ITV the money back? Do you expect us to fall for all this shit? Of course you do. And millions will.

From all accounts, Ant and Dec are the top TV presenters of their generation (I have no idea: I have never seen them present anything) and I have to wonder , is this it? Presenting TV shows is so 2023. If you can’t do anything, then present other people who have talent. Or so called celebrities doing stupoid things. We all like to watch what we call brainless TV from time to time – I should know: I used to watch Neighbours just to see Natalie Imbruglia – but isn’t I’m A Celebrity brainlessness on steroids?

I know I say this all the time, but isn’t there something better we can do with our time than watch Nigel Farage consume a light snack of kangaroo penis? One day, if we live long enough, we’ll be incontinent and dribbling in care homes, not really knowing what day it is. Surely now is the time to do something/anything other than watch this tosh and nonsense?




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