I know how this latest plunge into a deeper depression came about. It wasn’t one thing, it was lots of things. This happens sometimes. Depression comes in many different guises. One day you will have a dip and have no idea why and the next day you will have a dip and know exactly why. This one is from the latter category. Let me bore you with the details.
The main reason, you may be surprised to read, is the effect of my new depression and anxiety therapy. I’m not sure I am smart enough to explain this. Essentially, therapy, certainly in the early stages can be very tiring. You might not think poring over your life in minute detail is tiring but I can assure you it is. I was consumed with these week’s therapy for the day I had it, the night after I had it, the day after and so on. In revisiting the past, I’ve uncovered some unwanted ghosts and they’ve kept me awake by night and overthinking during the day. I’m hoping this will ease off in the coming weeks. It usually does.
Then there are things like not looking after myself, like eating too much or, like yesterday, barely at all. My health has suffered greatly since last year’s British Red Cross bullying and abuse episode and even today I still wake up thinking about it. PTSD, perhaps? Then finding out some high ranked Red Cross official called Dawn Tarpey started following me on twitter brought out the paranoia in me, especially when I recall that when I was still employed by this wretched organisation they were all over my twitter feed, indeed on one occasion telling me to remove a tweet. British Red Cross trolls. Think about that one for a moment. (Message to BRC CEO Mike Adams: call off the dogs please. You’ve caused me enough anguish, distress and pain already.)*
I’ve also got worklife balance and well-being stuff going on in my life and an unexpected family visit at the weekend which pleases me immensely but conversely sends my emotions spinning out of control.
All this, plus I know I am becoming withdrawn and I am isolating myself. Apart from that, everything is fine, except that it most definitely isn’t.
Then, combine being in a very dark place with gastro bug which struck in the middle of last night and I can hardly get off my chair today.
At least I think I know why I feel so shit today. I hope I feel better tomorrow.
* Ms Tarpey has now unfollowed me.