Having been a civil servant and a support worker for most of my working life, I’m not anything at the moment. I still want a little part time job, preferably doing something that improves people’s lives, without working for bullies and abusers (British Red Cross) or having to wipe people’s arses (which was what I was suddenly asked to do after three and a half years in my last job and why I left it). So, in preparing my CV, I’m wondering what to call myself.

I’d rather like to be a ‘socialite’, which seems to involve having an awful lot of money and attending parties all over the world. Or perhaps, an ‘influencer’, which seems to involve having a you tube channel and encouraging people to do and buy stuff. Easy money, except that I generally hate parties and I have nothing to sell. But how many of these people actually do?

I have been avoiding the new hard right anti-woke channel Gammon Box (GB) News rather like I would avoid the plague, but while channel-hopping the other night I happened upon one of its ghastly programmes. I didn’t know two of the guests or the presenter but I did recognise Tonia Buxton who was giving her inexpert views on epidemiology and virology to the viewing hundreds. Ms Buxton has written a couple of decent books on Greek cookery, is an anti-ageing consultant (!) and is, above all, unfeasibly glamorous. Yet here she was pontificating on things she clearly knew nothing about. And then her job title came up on screen: she was a ‘commentator and author’. In that case, so am I.

It got me thinking. Rather than former civil servant and support worker, I have decided to give myself a new title: ‘writer, blogger, author, commentator and influencer.’ I appreciate I am stretching things a bit by calling myself an ‘influencer’, but it looks good. I’m definitely a writer because I write stuff. I’m a blogger because I blog stuff. I’m an author because I have written one self-published book and have almost finished another one. And I am a commentator because I comment on stuff. Four out of five ain’t bad.

So this is me, now. Writer, blogger, author, commentator and influencer (sort of). I fully expect job offers to come flowing in now that prospective employers see that there is no beginning to my talent. (Or should that read, end?) It beats ‘between jobs’, ‘unemployed’ and ‘unemployable’, the latter being the absolute truth.