These days, we just don’t know what’s going to happen from one day to the next. The government lurches from crisis to crisis, with Rishi Sunak resetting his policies on a daily basis. As we know, we now live in a country where nothing works and everything is broken. So is there any way in which we can more accurately predict the way in which the country is going? This morning I got the answer: astrology.
I gain access to what’s in the stars in the on-line version of the Daily Mirror. Their astrologer is Russell Grant who, it says here, “Has been reading star signs for more than 50 years.” So, he must know what he is on about, right?
According to wikipedia, so it must be true, “Astrology is a range of divinatory practices, recognised as pseudoscience since the 18th century, that claim to discern information about human affairs and terrestrial events by studying the apparent positions of celestial objects.” I appreciate that’s a lot to take in so I’ll break it down into one word: bollocks.
We all come under a star sign, you see, and according to Grant, “Forecasts should hold something that speaks to you and resonates with a deeper, inner truth.”
My star sign is Aquarius and these, apparently, are the traits of every single person who comes under that star sign:
- Unique.
- Humanitarian.
- Altruistic.
- Impulsive.
- Artistic.
- Loyal.
- Optimistic.
- Intelligent.
According to Cosmopolitan magazine (where else would you go for vital scientific information?), “Aquarians are clever, analytical, technical, truthful, assertive, confident, progressive and innovative. They like to solve problems, improve what’s already working well, and push boundaries. They are activists, campaigners and progressors of the causes they think will make a difference to the world.”
Hmm. Not so sure about that. I know of no one who is less technically able than me on any subject and innovative? In truth, parts of my supposed traits could apply to anyone, never mind Aquarians (and by the way, I haven’t done my joke about us Aquarians don’t believe in astrology, yet).
Meanwhile, by partner of 34 years has the following traits:
- Compassionate.
- Romantic.
- Imaginative.
- Adaptable.
- Creative.
- Dreamy.
- Tender.
- Indecisive.
Again, some of these things are true, others – ‘indecisive’? She’s not sure about that – are simply nonsensical and meaningless. But still, it’s harmless entertainment, isn’t it?
Probably, because my experience in life suggests we forget about astrologers have said within a split-second of reading them. When starting this blog, I looked at mine and for some reason it didn’t stick. So, I checked again and here’s today’s day for me and for everyone else born between 20th January and 18th February:
“Plans you are making for the festive season will need the approval of someone you love. You may both have to get together for a serious and honest talk. If you’re truthful about what motivates you to do what you want to do, it’s unlikely anyone will stand in your way.”
Actually, that’s almost completely accurate, except for the bit about “plans I am making for the festive season”, of which there are precisely none, which then negates the need for a “serious and honest talk” about them. Just don’t stand in my way when I’m not making plans, all right?
Certainly, today will be different for my Piscean partner whose day looks utterly gripping:
“You feel guilty about postponing a meeting or appointment when something else crops up. As it is, few people will complain when they haven’t been looking forward to it anyway. You won’t want to turn down an invitation to undergo some specialised training as this could, in the long-term, increase your earning potential.”
That’s today for a twelfth of the entire population of the world, with maybe three-quarters of a billion postponed meetings which it turns out the other eight billion people in the world didn’t want go to anyway. Everybody’s happy there, then, so thanks to Russell Grant.
There must be people who believe in this nonsense, just like there are people who believe in ghosts or trust in words of psychic mediums (or should that be media?) who pretend they can talk to dead people. (Spoiler alert: dead people can’t talk because they’re, well, dead.)
Russell Grant appears to be a decent chap and of course I am not suggesting for one moment that he is making a lot of money by fraudulent means. (Is that okay, m’lud?) But we know, because science tells us, that there is not one scintilla of truth in the concept of astrology or for that matter any matters relating to the so-called spirit world. Which makes it nothing but escapism, which we all need a bit of sometimes in this world where very little makes sense. In fact, in a world where little seems to make sense, there’s nothing more nonsensical than what’s “in the stars“.
