It’s about the EU again, so I’ll be brief.

Jeremy Corbyn has moved a vote of no confidence in the government. It’s because Theresa May’s Brexit deal was rightly regarded by most MPs as, and I quote (myself), “a bit shit” and they voted it down. Labour’s magic Grandpa now wants a general election. He said: “Britain needs new ideas from a bunch of old white men who have never had an original idea in their lives and still believe in the bollocks Tony Benn came out with 40/50 years ago. Oh, and vote leave.”

I made up the Corbyn quote but it’s as accurate as you can get. Theresa May’s botched attempt to inflict a terrible Brexit deal on the nation has failed and somehow the old boy, with literally no experience of having ever negotiated anything, anywhere, says he will swan over to Brussels and – hey presto! – get a better deal. They used to have men in white coats to collect people who said things like that.

But what is the point of a general election anyway? The Tories want to leave the EU, and respect the crooked referendum result of 2016 and Labour, under its hard Brexit leader (oh yes he is, kids) want to leave the EU and respect the crooked referendum result of 2016. I wouldn’t waste my time going to the polling station if my choice was between two parties who want to destroy this country.

I’m so weary of this bastard Brexit. I’d like to go back to 2012 when the country was united in cheering a British athlete who came from Somalia as a child, a beautiful black heptathlete from Sheffield, Danny Boyle showed the world how great our NHS was and everyone booed George Osborne.

I don’t want a general election: I want a fucking Tardis.