Some people never learn, do I? A great afternoon in the sun at the Bristol Pride celebrations, a few beers under my belt and I’m starving. I pine for something guaranteed to fill a hole, something that always delivers. Instead, I end up in KFC.

For some reason, I remember my last KFC experience as being a culinary delight which I am determined to repeat. That lovely fresh chicken, the mystery coating and some fresh fries. I simply cannot wait. It arrives and of course it’s shit.

The chicken, being deep fried (the clue is Kentucky Fried Chicken), is swimming in oil, my lips and fingers are drenched at the end. It was like eating a heart attack. The fries were abysmal. Having eaten this calorific nightmare, I suddenly remembered it was as bad as last time. Worse, if anything.

KFC – other crap fried chicken experiences are available – has left me deeply unsatisfied and slightly dirty. Of all the available options, I undoubtedly went for the easiest, the worst and certainly not the cheapest option.

The next morning, my stomach is an unsettled mess, although I shall leave out the details. It gurgled for much of the night until it could gurgle no more. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

Actually, I don’t keep doing to myself because this was a once in a blue moon aberration, a lapse in a normally healthy diet. And I know the reason why. I was hungry, I was not prepared to wait around somewhere else for something healthier. I wanted instant gratification. This was anything but.

There was, at first, disappointment because my box of grease was not exactly how I remembered it, until I actually gave it some thought. Then, it all came back to me. The last time I consumed KFC, I vowed to never do it again.

I’m going to try to never do KFC again after this dismal experience in the same way I almost never visit McDonalds, Burger King, Subway and all the other purveyors of high fat, low quality, junk food.

Lesson learned and hopefully there will be no next time. Until next time.