Crap jobs for British workers

by Rick Johansen

We need to stop those pesky foreigners coming over here,” says Rishi Sunak, “Stealing the jobs that no one else wants to do.” They are just economic migrants, just like Suella Braverman’s parents, Priti Patel’s parents, KamiKwasi Kwarteng’s parents, James Cleverly’s mum and Nadhim Zahawi’s parents, not to mention Nadhim himself who was born in Iraq. Anyone else I’ve forgotten? Oh yes, Sunak’s parents. Hmm. Maybe we do need to stop those pesky foreigners coming over here after all?

Something, says Sunak, needs to be done. If only he could work out which government had been in office since 2010 and he’d be very cross with them

Migration to the UK has trebled in recent years, despite Britain leaving the EU and numbers of Europeans coming to work here has slowed to a trickle. However, EU workers have been more than replaced by those from India, Nigeria, Pakistan among other countries and where EU workers have usually returned home after a while those from the countries named above tend to stay here. It’s a very odd way of “taking back control” of our borders, which by the way we always had control of in the first place, but let’s not allow facts get in the way of Brexit lies.

Sunak has had another brainwave. In future, Johnny Foreigner will only be able to come to Britain if he or she earns over £38,000. Brilliant. That way, we can import foreign labour to do all the good, well paid jobs and get Brits to do all the shit low paid ones. I can think of a campaign slogan already: “Crap British jobs for British workers“.  Yes, that will work. Or “You’re country needs you (to do the shit jobs)“, complete with a picture of Lord Kitchener.

With the care sector in a state of near collapse, just like almost everything else in this fucked up country, Sunak is going to prevent anyone coming across the sea to happily work for the minimum wage, so we Brits can finally get the jobs we’ve always wanted to in care homes. When the next election comes along, there should be a supplementary proviso next to the Conservative box, which would be this: “By voting Conservative, I agree to take full-time minimum wage shiftwork work in care homes because I do not want foreigners coming over here to do it.” Problem solved and everyone is happy. I am not really joking. People should always be aware of the likely consequences of their actions. I’d enforce it by law.

I am sure the mostly elderly folk who voted Brexit to stop migration wouldn’t mind heading back to the workplace to help alleviate and hopefully solve the problems they created. After all, it’s no good saying we don’t want Johnny Foreigner to come here anymore if we’re not prepared to cover the work he did, is it?

You know a government is in trouble when they start banging on about migration but this current one has managed to triple it, as well as presiding over a disastrous system whereby around 130,000 refugees and asylum seekers are sitting around waiting to get their applications processed. This is a problem made in Downing Street which the current residents have no idea how to resolve.

Let’s be honest: this is all about black and brown people, which is all very odd since most of the EU workers were a more of an acceptable white appearance. And Rishi Sunak, with his Indian heritage, is leading this culture war against black and brown people, coming over here, taking our jobs and claiming unemployment benefits simultaneously. It’s absolutely fucking barking mad.

Of course, there are legitimate arguments as to the sustainability of migration, in terms of how society functions. The provision of health and housing being key elements. But this government, since 2010, has failed the NHS and prevents millions of people being able to even get on the housing ladder. It’s their fault, everything, How, after 13 miserable years, could it be anyone else’s?

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