Photo by Ray Tang/REX (4272156b) Customers buying large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain – 28 Nov 2014

I’ve been absolutely flat out today, celebrating Thanksgiving. I’ve brought home the turkey, covered it in lovely herbs and spices, gently fried it, placed it in the oven on a low setting and later on I’m going to kill it so the family can celebrate this special day.

Naturally, I didn’t need to Google and then copy and paste what Thanksgiving stands for because everyone knows it’s based on the colonial Pilgrims’ 1621 harvest meal. What? You didn’t know? Hang your head in shame. It’s why we in the UK have a bank holiday to eat, drink and watch the football. And what happens the day after Thanksgiving? Why, we all go shopping on Black Friday. It’s what we Brits have always done, or at least for the last five years, anyway.

In fact, Black Friday is nothing more than those wretched American gimmicks that always somehow make it over here, like McDonalds, Starbucks and Boris Johnson (yes, really). Like night follows day, Black Friday follows Thanksgiving for reasons that are entirely commercial. It’s a creation and not a particularly fabulous one, designed to relieve people of their spare change and indeed assist in increasing their overdrafts. Being Brits, we’ve decided, or rather it’s been decided on our behalf, that we will just have the second bit. So, tomorrow, my friends, it’s Black Friday over here. What can we expect?

We can expect lots of gullible people to flood the stories buying things that they probably don’t need and saving minimal amounts of money or, in the vast majority of cases, nothing at all. Instead, they should listen to the consumer group Which? which advises: “Our investigation indicates that this popular shopping event is all hype and there are few genuine discounts.”

Expect to see TV footage of people fighting in stores over widescreen televisions to save a fiver because no one, we are told, doesn’t love a bargain. But just think about it: at this time of year we watch more telly than at any other time of year and telly companies flog more tellies this time of year because of it. Do you seriously think they are going to offer huge discounts at a time when they can make a fortune? If you do, then doubtless you will be at Curry’s tomorrow at 5.00 am, making a twat of yourself for the TV cameras.

The poor old turkeys in America didn’t vote for Thanksgiving, unless they were particularly stupid but the British ones, known as ‘bargain hunters’, will be out there on Black Friday falling for all the hype and buying stuff that was probably the same price as it was last week or the week before anyway.