The astonishing government announcement yesterday – no, not that one – that we should all stock up for national and local emergencies came as a bit of a surprise. Tiresome wet wipe and part time deputy prime minister Oliver Dowden CBE (who he? – ed) said that we should all stock up immediately with the following:
- Battery or wind-up torch
- Portable power bank
- Battery or wind-up radio – to get updates during a power cut
- Spare batteries – for torches, radio and any medical equipment
- First aid kit – waterproof plasters, bandages, thermometer, antiseptic, eyewash, sterile dressings and gloves, medical tape and tweezers
- Hand sanitiser and wet wipes
- Bottled water – minimum of 2.5-3 litres of drinking water per person per day. 10 litres per person per day to be comfortable, for cooking and hygiene.
- More may be needed for baby formula, medical devices and pets
- Non-perishable food – tinned meat, fruit, vegetables (and a tin opener), pet food
- Baby supplies – nappies and formula
Jesus. Let me pause this blog and add all that stuff to my weekly Morrisons Shop. In fact, I’d better delay publishing in order to make sure I get all my stuff in before you do. Dowden says, (it’s) “about sensible safeguards, not stockpiling” and as I am in full on panic mode I’m in the process of filling my on-line trolley as we speak. So what is it that has caused Dowden to tell us to stock up on wind-up torches, tinned meat and bottles of water?
Well, apparently it’s all to do with “various risks, including biosecurity crises, flooding, power outages or another pandemic.” Naturally, that’s cheered me up no end. I suppose we should be grateful that the government has learned something from the Covid fiasco where bumbling idiots like Boris Johnson created even greater chaos and spendthrift chancer … sorry, chancellor Rishi Sunak pissed away billions on a test and trace system that didn’t work and unusable PPE. But do you know what I think and moreover, do you really care? Of course, you don’t but I’ll tell you anyway.
This is box-ticking, not least because the story, which I accept is quite important, was buried, or should that be drowned, by Rishi Sunak’s bizarre election announcement, standing outside Number Ten without an umbrella. Given that few people will have heard Dowden’s announcement and those who did hear it will have likely forgotten later in the day, Dowden has covered his arse. So the next time a national disaster occurs, they will able to say, “WE TOLD YOU SO! IF YOU DIDN’T DO WHAT WE TOLD YOU, WHOSE FAULT IS IT?”
Anyway, I have to love you and leave you because I have to carry on shopping to prepare for the next nuclear attack, the next Covid and the next biblical flood. Hopefully, none of it will happen, but if it does I’ll be well-prepared, albeit skint.